Here comes the sun...

5:40 am and I can see the sky doing its slow drift from black to blue. I can hear Sally's alarm going off down the hall. Out across the deck, I can hear a neighbor's waking up to his radio.

I think I've finaly hit the "done" point on this model I'm working on. At least the point where I can put on the final touches tomorrow before I take it in to the client. This thing had occupied me for well over a week, and been a bear the entire time, and yet I've been really enjoying myself.

What have we learned?

a) Baker likes model-making.

b) Baker needs to get better and faster at it though.

c) No matter how tired or bleary eyed I am... No matter how stressed, I am more sure now than I was a week ago that this is what I want to do. I mean the freelancing. I've been working my tail off, seriously, for a week and a half straight now, and I know I can't relax this weekend because I have another project to start Saturday morning... But it's somehow completely different when you're working for yourself. How cool.

Okay - trying to get my point across but keyboard keeps blurring. Going to crawl into the bed while Sal's got it nice and toasty.

If I hear one more assbag politician tell me that the terrorists "Just hate freedom" I'm going to start flinging my own feces.

I know, I know... Here comes the politics. I should just avoid the whole thing here. I'm really not interested in turning the blog into a political soapbox, but ya know what? It's my blog, and right now it's feces-flinging time.

Let's be clear here: The terrorists do not "just hate freedom."

Let's be clear about this as well: I am not siding with the terrorists. I do not endorse the blowing up of innocent people. I think anyone who resorts to that method of getting their point across should be dragged across pointy rocks, or at least forced to see Ernest Borgnine naked. Terrorism is a lousy, horrible, unforgivible tactic. End of story.

BUT... These are people, not comic book supervillians. You know who "just hates freedom?" Doctor Doom. Braniac. The Red Skull. Terrorists are not sitting in their terror-lairs in the bases of hollowed out volcanoes, staring at images of destruction on jumbotron monitors and rubbing their hands together while laughing maniacaly. These are people with serious complaints about the way we handle ourselves as a nation. The fact that they choose a shitty shitty cowardly way of expressing it does not invalidate their argument. It just makes them crappy horrid people.

It's just so much easier for the politicians (and let's be honest - the rest of us as well) to turn then into stock villians instead of adressing the reasons why they might be so pissed off at us in the first place. The next time some turd burglar blows up a train, I'd like to see Bush get on TV and say "Well, it just goes to show you how frightened they are that we are going to westernize the middle east and eradicate their culture..." Or "See how pissed of they are at the way we flaunt our power on the global stage?"

But no... They just sure do hate to see us eating a big mac while watching friends. It really gets their goat when we enter the shopping mall and freely spend. Every time you laugh, a terrorist cries.

On an unrelated topic, Ben & Jerry's Primary Berry Graham Ice Cream is the greatest thing I've ever put in my own mouth.

Except for my elbow, of course.

Blogbutt

Allow me to just give a shout out to my #1 marshmallow peep, DogButt. It's just so cool to write this and know that there is someone who takes the time to read it. And as blog-readin buddies go, DogButt is the best. I was going to tell the story of her throwing boots at me to stop my snoring, but she's the only person reading this, and she already knows the story.

Thanks DogButt!!!

Just like assholes, or so they say...

How long since I wrote in the Blog??? Jeez, I'm already slacking on this thing. I'm a bad blogger... A sincere apology to Dogbutt, my one and only fan out there.

So: since I have no real topic to speak of, and yet I find myself typing away... Here are some unsolicited opinions.

- Hershey chocolate is crap. It's like eating cocoa flavored wax. In my mind, if you don't like dark chocolate, then you can go fuck yourself. No really. Don't take it all personal-like, but go fuck yourself. And if you like your chocolate really really dark, then you is my bro. That being said, I have to confess that I can be had for a Hersheys with Almonds. Can't explain it. Life is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, know what I mean?

- I like watching professional football. I'm not one of those frat-boy types, and I don't drive a pick-up truck, but I have to admit that, come football season, I will plop myself on the couch and have a great time. I don't root for any particular team, nor do I care who plays for who, or how may passing yards so-and-so had, but thanks to a very cool roommate I had in college, I have an understanding of the game, and it is a good game. I like the strategy, I like that it is in every way a coordinated team effort, and I like that there are 350 pound dudes who could outrun a Buick. I will admit however, that if I went and saw a game in person I would really miss the play-by-play commentary and shiny steel graphics clanging and whooshing around the screen. Hell, when I go to a baseball game I spend the entire time watching the Jumbotron.

- SO, we've established football is good. Basketball on the other hand is the most boring thing since watching toothpaste harden on the brush. Sorry, all you ballers out there. But to me pro basketball is just a bunch of idiots running back and forth and grandstanding. While we're running through the sports, soccer is entertaining, golf is a game for which I have no love, but much appreciation, and tennis is about as useful as shaving off your toes. Just tellin you how I feel, folks.

- At this moment, There are 3 dogs I truly like, and one cat I very nearly hate. Okay, so that's not an opinion... But chew on this: I used the number three above, but I spelled out "one." Does this kind of sloppy writing drive you nuts? If so, I'm of the opinion that you should get out more.

- I rank household chores in the following manner, from favorite to least favorite: dishes, vaccuming, making the bed, laundry, taking out the trash, dusting, mopping, ironing.

- People who have more than one first name are aliens in human form. People like David Keith, or Julie Christie... Aliens! Their leader? Brian Benben. (look him up) He has three first names! And two of them are the same name!!!

- Baker's three rules of comedy are as follows: 1) Anything coming out of a butt is funny. Going into a butt, not always funny. Coming out of a butt... Comedy gold. 2) Monkeys, while not always funny, are inherently more funny than the rest of the animal kingdom. 3) If they're laughing at you, they're still laughing.

- A few years back, they made a beverage called Orbits, that was basically Clearly Canadian with these little colored balls of tapioca floating evenly throughout it. These were great things. Even if you didn't want to drink them, they were so cool to look at. These should be brought back immediately.

- I want so badly to hate Sting. I really do. But I must reluctantly admit that I like a lot of his music. Even some of the newer stuff. Maybe not the bits they play on the radio, but a lot of his stuff is just plain good. I'm sure he's an ass. I even heard from a good source that he smells bad. Just can't hate him like I want to. Also, I have the same problem with Cheryl Crow. Want sooooooo bad to hate her ass. See also the Christina Aguilera.

That's all the opinions I can muster. I hope that made up for the lack of bloggage. Or the black of luggage. At any rate, Maybe next time I'll move on from opinions to unsupported facts.

Been away from the blog for too long. To the roughly 2.4 people that read this thing, I apologize.

The first week of self-employment went smoothly, though I have to admit that it feels weird calling it "the first week of self-employment." Common Wombat Studio is hardly an up-and-running entity yet... The website's still a temporary thing, no marketing materials yet, only just getting the financial grounding sorted out... Feels funny to even call it a business yet. But still, I have a few small jobs trickling in, so I suppose I'm working for pay, and therefore a business.

What makes me feel really good, is that even with no marketing really going, the jobs I have got going on are the result of word of mouth, or of people who trust me telling other people to trust me. It's good to know that I have friends out there pulling for me. As is the case most times in life, you really owe what you have to the people who support you.

Speaking of those who support me, Sal had the day off today, and I got to spend the day with her. Despite the fact that we had just spent the whole weekend up in PA together, The chance of an extra day, just the two of us, really seemed like a gift to me. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful woman in my life, and I hope I never stop appreciating the time I get to spend with her.

Enough with the sappy. Tomorrow I return to Becker to help out for a day or two. I'll let you know how it feels to be back after a whole week and a half.

Also, maybe more anus talk. That seemed to go over well.

Naked pictures unite the world.

So PC Magazine, kind and diligent webizens that they are, just alerted me to the practice of Moblogging. Just in case I'm not the only person who's been living in a cave for the past year, Moblogging is the practice of posting pics taken with your cell-phone camera on a sort of internet journal. I checked out a Moblogging site, and yep, it seems that at least half of these pictures are of people naked.

(No, I'm not going to tell you which site I looked at, you horny bastards... Do your own research.)

Anyway, I was going to write a bit about how ridiculous it was that this is what people do with their cell-phone cameras, but then I stopped to think about it. You know, I really don't blame them.

I mean, what are we supposed to do with these useless little cameras? It's not as if they're any good for real photography - they're about as lo-res as you can get. Even a 20-year old Polaroid land camera takes better pictures than these things. And almost as quickly too. So what we have is a tiny speedy little camera that takes pics cheaply (I mean, the phones are pricey, but you don't have to buy film, etc.) and can go with you anywhere. So the purpose of this groundbreaking technology is what?

My buddy Joe has one of these. We broke it out in the office a few times, and all we did with it was take silly pictures of stupid shit. Nostrils and teeth, funny faces, etc. No, none of us were naked, but it hardly matters. Nose hairs or boobies, the point is the same:

The internet is for porn, Microwaves are for re-heating (not cooking) and cell-phone cameras are for the express purpose of taking silly pictures of stupid shit.

Now, you may think I'm against this. You may think this is one of those blog entries where I'm protesting the decline of western civilization. But in truth, I'm all for the silly pictures of stupid shit. It means that no matter what advances we come up with, no matter what new technologies emerge, the true innovation is reserved for pure, blind entertainment. And no matter how hi-brow we try to be, entertainment really boils down to fart jokes and nudity.

And really, isn't that comforting to know? Me and George Bush and Donald Trump and Saddam Hussein may not see eye to eye on a whole lot, but if you fart in front of us, deep down we're all giggling like little girls.

And if you whip out a boob, we're all reaching for our cell-phone cameras.

Let's see.... Something about the anus...

Well, I'm enjoying a bowl of very bran-and-wheat-y cereal at the moment, which I am imagining should make for some good solid turdage later on. If you're like me, you find yourself proud of your more solid poops, the way you get proud of a newly developed muscle. "It's big, and it's strong, and gosh darn it, I MADE THAT."

And well you should be proud of your Charles Atlas shits. Think of them as a temporary monument to your intestinal fortitude, a tube-shaped effigy of the hero within you. The next time you have a really good one, the kind that practically thuds as it sinks to the bottom of the bowl, take a moment to admire your handiwork before you reach for the handle. That's a little piece of you in there! Own it! Admire it!

And then, of course, flush it down, because no one wants to see that shit.

... later I may actually post something of consequence.

Wombat World Headquarters, day one:

So here we are.

The last day at Becker was very good. Lots of nothing to do, as my office was all packed up, my computer was more or less wiped, and nobody was asking me for any work. There was a little shin-dig for me after work, and that was wonderful. I got to spend time hanging out with some of the truly great people who have become my good friends over the years. It really made me realize what I'm going to be missing in my new endeavor. My old job may have had its ups and downs, but the one consistant thing was the high quality of the people you worked with.

So if you happen to be one of my former co-workers from the Becker Group, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now, on to business: The start of something great.

So I began my day with a lap around the park. (at a more or less brisk waddle - for those of you that know my top speed is... well... hardly speed at all...) For me this was a new leaf. Along with the new business venture comes a commitment to diet and excersize. If you're going to turn over a new leaf, make it a big one. And me changing my body is a pretty big leaf indeed. I'll keep you posted as to how it's going.

On the Wombat front, I have a few appointments to keep, most of them tomorrow, and most of them in Annapolis. SO I begin the large task of drumming up a client base. I'm planning on turning my attention to the website first, so keep an eye on it. It should be changing for the better soon.

Oh, and Dog Butt has requested that I be funny in this blog. I probably haven't been funny so far, so I plan on making a real effort towards funni-ness, (funni-tude? Funnity?) I'm sure the next post will be hi-fuckin-larious, and will involve the anus in some fashion.