I'm Back And I'm Black!

Some of you are thinking, "He's not black... what is he talking about?" This is the internet, people. I'm blogging from behind an iron veil of secrecy and anonymity... You don't know who I really am or what I look like. I could very well be a black man. Hell, I could be a black woman! I could be a female black midget!

Some others of you are thinking, "No... I've met you face to face, and you're a tubby white dude. You sir, are not black. Or a midget, for that matter." Um... crap. So much for my veil of secrecy.

At any rate, the question of my blackness aside, I am, in fact, back. I'm back and I'm white.

Thanks to all of you who commented or sent me emails expressing concern. It's good to know so many of you are caring, loving individuals, in addition to being depraved little fuckers who scour the internet for poop stories. I admit that some life issues had me on the ropes and reeling for a few days there, and at the time, I really wasn't seeing the funny come back in the near future. Hanging there on the ropes does that kind of shit to your perspective. On the ropes, all you see is the mat and the gloves of the guy slugging you.

But then, if you're me, you remember that you're a hell of a lot stronger than the guy hitting you, and you get the fuck off the ropes and start throwing punches again. So that's what I did. And lo and behold the funny came back. Along with the funny also came the need to drive stupid boxing metaphors into the ground, so it seems.

Anyway, things here at Wombat HQ are okay... Nobody died. Well, my grandmother actually did die, (peacefully and surrounded by family, which seems to me to be the best possible way to go...) but that wasn't what had me on the ropes. Sally did not die, (I know some of you were thinking it!) or even lose a limb. Look, here she is with me in Shenandoah National Park this weekend, hale and healthy.



I just realized that you can see none of her limbs in that picture. You'll just have to take my word for it - they're all there and functional. Ain't my wife a cutie though? That, by the way, is the face she makes when I pinch her butt. Or when I drop a KFC-scented trouser bomb. It's the same face for both things.

Hmm... I just noticed that we both have trees growing out of our heads in that picture. In the "cool head trees" battle, sally wins, because hers looks like a badass Ronald McDonald wig. Mine looks like I have an elephant knee jutting out of my skull. Next time I'm paying more attention to where I stand and getting the cool head-tree.

Shenandoah was terribly cool. It may be because my job frequenly requires me to spend a lot of time in the shopping malls of the world, but I had completely forgotten that there were great sections of our country that have yet to be paved over. This is a bad thing if you're looking to park your car or get a pickup basketball game going, but if you're looking to relax and explore, I highly recommend spending some time in the non-paved areas. Sal and I hiked down into the woods to see a 70-foot waterfall hidden back there, and once I was done frantically looking for the jumbotron monitors and trying to order peanuts from every deer in the area, I was really awestruck by the beauty of nature. I don't spend enough time outdoors. Something I shall rectify.

Anyway, as I said before, I'm back. And yes, officially, white. Just in case you were wondering. You can't keep a good wombat down. And I am a very good wombat.

Thanks again for all the support guys.