Where the fuck have I been for TWO MONTHS???
Don't get all excited, this post will not be the gigantic teetering mountain of funny you're hoping it will be. If you were expecting a triumphant return to form with some great and horrifying story of my latest rectal-mishap, prepare to be dissapointed. I don't have any good ass or poop stories, and even if I did, I don't really have the time to tell them right now. But I've been getting some concerned emails from some of you (which is a nice change to the "please for the love of Christ stop blogging" emails I usually get), so I wanted to explain my absence.
You see, a little over a month ago, I was thinking of some ways I could improve the blog, and I began the Common Wombat Commitment to Quality. I solemnly vowed (because I've found that laughingly vowing things just doesn't carry the same weight) that I would only blog the finest, funniest, abso-fucking-lutely best quality stories I could possibly write. And if I couldn't muster up some quality blogging, I would write nothing at all.
Well, we all see where that got me. So fuck the Common Wombat Commitment to Quality. What a crap idea that was.
I now hereby present to you the Common Wombat Commitment to Talentless and Unfunny Blogging.
Phew! What a weight off my shoulders!
Seriously though, I have been (and continue to be) very busy. But fear not, Blog-buddies. I haven't forgotten you. I'll be back very very soon to make you regret ever buying a computer and logging on to the interweb. Just you wait.
In the meantime, you can amuse yourselves by reading this little story, which I posted before I started picking up readers, and many of you may have missed. It's a heartwarming tale of love, honor, and me shitting my pants in a public building.
I'll be back! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll retch a little!
You see, a little over a month ago, I was thinking of some ways I could improve the blog, and I began the Common Wombat Commitment to Quality. I solemnly vowed (because I've found that laughingly vowing things just doesn't carry the same weight) that I would only blog the finest, funniest, abso-fucking-lutely best quality stories I could possibly write. And if I couldn't muster up some quality blogging, I would write nothing at all.
Well, we all see where that got me. So fuck the Common Wombat Commitment to Quality. What a crap idea that was.
I now hereby present to you the Common Wombat Commitment to Talentless and Unfunny Blogging.
Phew! What a weight off my shoulders!
Seriously though, I have been (and continue to be) very busy. But fear not, Blog-buddies. I haven't forgotten you. I'll be back very very soon to make you regret ever buying a computer and logging on to the interweb. Just you wait.
In the meantime, you can amuse yourselves by reading this little story, which I posted before I started picking up readers, and many of you may have missed. It's a heartwarming tale of love, honor, and me shitting my pants in a public building.
I'll be back! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll retch a little!
posted by CommonWombat at 12:59 AM
20 Comments:
manoman, based on the contents of those two stories, i would strongly urge that you continue to poop in unconventional places ~ this is clearly the source of your blogger super powers :D
That was one of the funniest poop related stories ever (as was the stairs incident). What is it about the comedic relief of feces?
Ah, the memories. That was the first post of yours that I read... after I shit myself.
You remember you have a blog. Neat.
*Awesome*
:)
And ewwww.
Welcome back, slacker.
Wait, I'm confused. Haven't you always been implementing the "Common Wombat Commitment to Talentless and Unfunny Blogging?" Because if not, it's just one BIG coincidence that all your previous material has been so talentless and unfunny.
I mean that in a nice way.
Wow. I could've gone my whole life without knowing that about you.
But then, I kind of have *always* known that about you.
It was like a bad car accident...I couldn't look away.
I now hereby present to you the Common Wombat Commitment to Talentless and Unfunny Blogging.
Yay for mediocrity:)
Me miss you long time, Mr. Wombat
PS: I find the name "Wombat" amusing... even more so when I pronounce it like Womb-at...
Nevermind...
Glad you're back!
(Retching violently...retching again...)
Even if I didn't know the end of that story, I knew you were in trouble when I read "Mexican food".
and
Ewwwwwww
you gambled and lost
I actually read that one not that long ago when I obsessively read your entire blog..but it was even funnier this time. :)
i miss you.
my word ver is "tbdip."
who knew tuberculosis was good with chips?
Wow...so it turns out, my husband isn't the only person whose asshole has a conscience, like a devil and an angle perched on either cheek. Interesting. Bottom line, though, anytime I see a guy with a button down shirt tied around the waist of his white pants, I assume he's shit them. Just so you know.
You make me smile and cringe at the sametime.
thats why i love you.
*a new reader*
west
You shiftless, lazy, worthless turd. It's been 17 days since you wrote and said, basically, "I'll write more." You useless, empty-headed oaf. The worst part is not that you're neglecting us, it's that I happen to know you're not even neglecting us for a good reason. Even as I type this, you're almost certainly curled up in a fetal position at the base of your toilet, snacking on Twinkies and reading Danielle Steele novels while using a roll of toilet paper as a pillow, while Sally weeps in the living room. But Sally's used to being neglected by you; she's come to expect it. We refuse to take it, though. I demand more.
HELLO?! BLOG!!!!!
So we'll have to wait another month to get a new post from you. Dammit, man! Blog already!
i languish and pine for you.
Fanfare from the Common Lazy-Ass Sloth
Yeah :) And this name has the word ass in it!
We miss you!
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