Why are you people still reading me???
Since I started this blog, I have used it in many ways for the betterment of humanity and the world at large, but never so much as now, as I have finally introduced the Mouth-barfers to the Nose-pukers.
Boy, the results of my informal little poll were extremely interesting. It seems the world is split about 50/50 between those who barf exclusively with their mouths, and those of us who sometimes experience the absolute horror of nasal bile-ejection. I don't think either of us knew the other group existed. Now we do. You're welcome, world. I imagine there will be a plaque of some sort with my name on it.
So the lessons you should all take away from this are:
1) If you are a mouth-barfer, and a friend of yours seems to hate vomiting a lot more than you do, take a moment and consider that he/she may be a nose-puker. Be appropriately sympathetic.
2) If you are holding your friend's hair back while he/she (okay, probably she) vomits, go the extra distance and jam two fingers up her nostrils. It may seem kind of awkward at the time, but trust me, she'll thank you later.
3) For the love of Christ, stop reading this blog if you are squeamish and/or eating lunch! It seems like every time I post there is at least one comment from somebody who says "Aaaugh! Why do I read this when I'm eating?" My response is "Aaaugh! Why is it taking you so long to figure out I'm disgusting???" You know the expression... Fool you once, shame on me, fool you twice, you're obviously some sort of dumbass.
Boy, the results of my informal little poll were extremely interesting. It seems the world is split about 50/50 between those who barf exclusively with their mouths, and those of us who sometimes experience the absolute horror of nasal bile-ejection. I don't think either of us knew the other group existed. Now we do. You're welcome, world. I imagine there will be a plaque of some sort with my name on it.
So the lessons you should all take away from this are:
1) If you are a mouth-barfer, and a friend of yours seems to hate vomiting a lot more than you do, take a moment and consider that he/she may be a nose-puker. Be appropriately sympathetic.
2) If you are holding your friend's hair back while he/she (okay, probably she) vomits, go the extra distance and jam two fingers up her nostrils. It may seem kind of awkward at the time, but trust me, she'll thank you later.
3) For the love of Christ, stop reading this blog if you are squeamish and/or eating lunch! It seems like every time I post there is at least one comment from somebody who says "Aaaugh! Why do I read this when I'm eating?" My response is "Aaaugh! Why is it taking you so long to figure out I'm disgusting???" You know the expression... Fool you once, shame on me, fool you twice, you're obviously some sort of dumbass.
posted by CommonWombat at 12:43 AM
8 Comments:
to answer the question you posed in the title:
I have no earthly idea.
Maybe I'm waiting for the return of the baboon-explosive-sex.
Your blog is like a car accident. You know what you're gonna see won't be pretty, but you just can't look away. ;)
Because one time you described yourself as "feco-centric" -- you are a truth speaker, I like that.
Plus, "feco-centric" -- that's really funny.
Plus, I like where you've set the bar -- if ever I feel I've gone too far, I come here and realize there's room for more sickness.
Oh, why did I read this while I was having my grandmother taxidermied? Now I can't even finish the hat I was making out of her wig.
You disgust me.
Okay, acw, ew.
Anywho, thank you for providing this much needed public service, Wombat. We'd all be lost without you...
i like you AND your assorted ickies.
and your card! fabulous! love it forever!
I never read your blog while I'm eating. In fact, I use it to stay thin. When I feel like ordering pizza or eating a whole tube of raw cookie dough, I read your blog and the feeling goes away, pronto. An unfortunate side effect is that I lose a couple brain cells each time, but hey, it's worth it.
Like just now--I was thinking of eating a sugar cookie that my neighbor brought over today, but now all I can think of is how fucking sick it would be to put my fingers up someone's nose while they're trying to puke. I may not eat all week.
hi! it' me again!
merry merry!
tell the kitties boon says, "merry merry (sneeze)"
and pickles says, "merry merry (pee)"
i'm drunk on nyquil. leave me alone.
Post a Comment
<< Home