Consider yourselves thoroughly decorated.
What can I possibly say to encapsulate the time I just spent in Syracuse? How can I ever break down into simple words the complexity of my experience there? What mundane prose can hope to contain every facet and nuance of the 4 days I spent wrapped in Syracuse's snowy embrace? Could a writer of my meager talent ever rise to the challenge of summing up all that is Syracuse in, say, 3 words? You never know until you try...
Syracuse: Don't go.
Hey look, I did it. Guess that wasn't so hard after all.
And with that, my 6-state-wide homicidal decorating spree has come to a close. I measured malls in Pennsylvania and Florida, decorated malls in Texas, Virginia and (barf in my mouth a little) Syracuse, and I only nearly throttled one horribly impossible monster of a Marketing Director to within an inch of her life. All in all, I call that a successful season.
If you live near Plano Texas, get thee and thy children to Willow Bend Mall, and if you live near Fairfax Virginia, get thee and thy brood to Fair Oaks. The sets we built in those places are tie-ins with the upcoming Narnia movie, and they're quite cool. There's a huge walk-through snow globe, and actual props from the movie... I honestly think your kids will love it.
If you live near Syracuse New York, move as soon as humanly possible. Do not take the time to visit Great Northern Mall. I mean, I did a wonderful job there as well, but seriously dude, move somewhere that doesn't suck the will to live right out of you.
Anyway, the short version is, I'm back. My wife has been smooched, and my home toilet seat has been... well, that's been smooched as well, if you get my drift. All is right with the world. The blogging will begin again in earnest, and I promise to get back to the absolute lack of hilarity that you've come to expect.
I want to give a quick shout-out to my Baltimore-blogger peeps (JT, Snay, Zenchick, Jennetic and Fool...did I forget anybody?) for answering Sal's call and sending me a river of funny pager-mails just when I needed them most. You guys totally kept my head screwed on, and quite possibly saved that marketing monster's life as well. Also a shout-out to Karla for many funny emails when they were very much needed, and to Miss Kendra, for making me feel missed just by leaving a comment saying "Where are you???" Thanks to all you guys for being such good virtual buddies. Consider yourselves shouted. Um... Out. Shouted Out. Or Shout-outed. Not sure what's the proper way of saying that. Also not sure it matters.
You've all been Shout-outeded.
Now fuck off while I think of something funny to blog about. Sheesh.
Syracuse: Don't go.
Hey look, I did it. Guess that wasn't so hard after all.
And with that, my 6-state-wide homicidal decorating spree has come to a close. I measured malls in Pennsylvania and Florida, decorated malls in Texas, Virginia and (barf in my mouth a little) Syracuse, and I only nearly throttled one horribly impossible monster of a Marketing Director to within an inch of her life. All in all, I call that a successful season.
If you live near Plano Texas, get thee and thy children to Willow Bend Mall, and if you live near Fairfax Virginia, get thee and thy brood to Fair Oaks. The sets we built in those places are tie-ins with the upcoming Narnia movie, and they're quite cool. There's a huge walk-through snow globe, and actual props from the movie... I honestly think your kids will love it.
If you live near Syracuse New York, move as soon as humanly possible. Do not take the time to visit Great Northern Mall. I mean, I did a wonderful job there as well, but seriously dude, move somewhere that doesn't suck the will to live right out of you.
Anyway, the short version is, I'm back. My wife has been smooched, and my home toilet seat has been... well, that's been smooched as well, if you get my drift. All is right with the world. The blogging will begin again in earnest, and I promise to get back to the absolute lack of hilarity that you've come to expect.
I want to give a quick shout-out to my Baltimore-blogger peeps (JT, Snay, Zenchick, Jennetic and Fool...did I forget anybody?) for answering Sal's call and sending me a river of funny pager-mails just when I needed them most. You guys totally kept my head screwed on, and quite possibly saved that marketing monster's life as well. Also a shout-out to Karla for many funny emails when they were very much needed, and to Miss Kendra, for making me feel missed just by leaving a comment saying "Where are you???" Thanks to all you guys for being such good virtual buddies. Consider yourselves shouted. Um... Out. Shouted Out. Or Shout-outed. Not sure what's the proper way of saying that. Also not sure it matters.
You've all been Shout-outeded.
Now fuck off while I think of something funny to blog about. Sheesh.
posted by CommonWombat at 10:32 PM
10 Comments:
I forgot I had your pager number. Hoorah for midnight pages!
Cool! I haven't gotten a shout out since the last time I slept with a rapper.
That's not a hairball you're hacking up, it's glitter and fake snow. Hope you're back to normal soon.
God damnit I forgot about the pager thing. Shit! And I had all kinds of funny things I was going to page. I was going to write BOOBS with numbers!
80085
long live the wombat.
Oh, I forgot to mention: The manager of the Mi Cocina in Plano, Texas keeps calling me. He wants back the salt and pepper shakers you stole.
Welcome home!
Not that I'm obsessed at all with my new computer, but I'm taking it with me to my parent's house for Thanksgiving so I can be sure to read your turkey-time witticisms... no pressure or anything.
What? no malls in Orange County?
Holy crap! I was at Fair Oaks last week with my friend, and we were admiring the ginormous snow globe, and I remember thinking "wouldn't it be funny if this was one of Wombat's malls?" Despite the rampant commercialization of the holiday, I was truly impressed with the display. Nice job!
Me again...
I was back at Fair Oaks today with my daughter, and we walked through the Narnia display.
Wow.
It's even more impressive on the inside. Nice job, Wombat!
I've told you personally, but I'll say it here so your minions can be suitably impressed: I went to the Willow Bend mall in Plano to inspect your work, and it's pretty awesome. It doesn't at all look like it was thrown together by a drugged out ex-con with the shakes, which, naturally, was what I expected. It's good to know you're good at something other than giving feces and flatulence good press.
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