It's just a MEAL.
Well my computer went balls-up on me today in a big way. I'm talking full-on Meg Ryan at the end of City Of Angels (there's two hours I'm never getting back), flattened by a truck, get the toe-tags, balls-up.
But hey, in the spirit of Thanksgiving I'll tell you something I'm thankful for: I'm thankful that my wife has, like, 17 computers in her tiny office. And I'm especially thankful that one of them is a PC, because while I'm Mac-friendly, It's been a long time since I had to use one, and working on a Mac now feels awkward and uncomfortable, like being felt up by your grandma.
Not that I was ever, um... felt up by my... Did I just type that?
Moving on, I wanted to get the thankfulness out of the way right up front, because now I'm going to shit all over your Turkey-Day.
That's probably not fair of me. I enjoy T-day as much as the rest of you. I'm a big fan of pie, I come down firmly on the side of cranberries, and to turkey with gravy I say a hearty "Yes please!" I have nothing against Thanksgiving really, except for one tiny detail.
It's not a holiday.
It's a freaking meal disguised as a holiday.
Seeing as how I attended most if not all of the first grade, I am fully aware that Thanksgiving is meant to be a celebration of our coming to America, and of the great bounty we found here. Put away your cute construction-paper pilgrim hats, I get it. Never mind that the bounty we found here included a brutaly cold winter and a little bit of genocide. My problem is not with the political correctness of the holiday. I leave that to the hippies. (Other things I leave to the hippes: wheat-germ cookies, Cat Stevens, hackysack.) My problem is that calling Thanksgiving a holiday just isn't being honest.
These days those of us no longer in the first grade could give a rat's ass about the pilgrims and/or the indians, and I don't think anyone really spends a long time contemplating all that they should be thankful for. What we really do on this day is eat a big meal, usually with family members, and usually with turkey.
And hey, eating is fine. I myself do it at least once a day. Sometimes as often as thrice a day. (crazy!) For purposes of discussion, let's just say I do it three times a day. That makes 1094 times I'll eat a meal this year and not call it a holiday. Well, I suppose that eating on Christmas counts as a holiday. So, 1093 non-holiday meals.
Okay, there's my birthday as well... That's certainly a holiday to me. (doesn't everybody celebrate National Wombat Day?) 1092. You get my point.
Please don't mis-understand me, I like Thanksgiving. In a few hours I'll be over at my Mom's house, hanging out with my family and eating what I hope will be a very tasty bird. I predict a 93% chance that I will have a good time. I am not not not anti-Thanksgiving. I just won't be calling it a holiday, for I, my friends, am all about the painful honesty.
And so, in the spirit of painful honesty, I hope that all of you have a great time on Thursday, and enjoy your ritualistic large meal in the company of family, most likely involving turkey and, if you are lucky, something with cranberries. And hey, if you do have a good time, get your family together in May or April and do it again. Don't wait for a non-existant holiday to tell you to go enjoy a meal with your folks.
And before you guys start jumping in my shit, Christmas is a holiday. Oh yeah, baby. We do not mess with the man in red.
But hey, in the spirit of Thanksgiving I'll tell you something I'm thankful for: I'm thankful that my wife has, like, 17 computers in her tiny office. And I'm especially thankful that one of them is a PC, because while I'm Mac-friendly, It's been a long time since I had to use one, and working on a Mac now feels awkward and uncomfortable, like being felt up by your grandma.
Not that I was ever, um... felt up by my... Did I just type that?
Moving on, I wanted to get the thankfulness out of the way right up front, because now I'm going to shit all over your Turkey-Day.
That's probably not fair of me. I enjoy T-day as much as the rest of you. I'm a big fan of pie, I come down firmly on the side of cranberries, and to turkey with gravy I say a hearty "Yes please!" I have nothing against Thanksgiving really, except for one tiny detail.
It's not a holiday.
It's a freaking meal disguised as a holiday.
Seeing as how I attended most if not all of the first grade, I am fully aware that Thanksgiving is meant to be a celebration of our coming to America, and of the great bounty we found here. Put away your cute construction-paper pilgrim hats, I get it. Never mind that the bounty we found here included a brutaly cold winter and a little bit of genocide. My problem is not with the political correctness of the holiday. I leave that to the hippies. (Other things I leave to the hippes: wheat-germ cookies, Cat Stevens, hackysack.) My problem is that calling Thanksgiving a holiday just isn't being honest.
These days those of us no longer in the first grade could give a rat's ass about the pilgrims and/or the indians, and I don't think anyone really spends a long time contemplating all that they should be thankful for. What we really do on this day is eat a big meal, usually with family members, and usually with turkey.
And hey, eating is fine. I myself do it at least once a day. Sometimes as often as thrice a day. (crazy!) For purposes of discussion, let's just say I do it three times a day. That makes 1094 times I'll eat a meal this year and not call it a holiday. Well, I suppose that eating on Christmas counts as a holiday. So, 1093 non-holiday meals.
Okay, there's my birthday as well... That's certainly a holiday to me. (doesn't everybody celebrate National Wombat Day?) 1092. You get my point.
Please don't mis-understand me, I like Thanksgiving. In a few hours I'll be over at my Mom's house, hanging out with my family and eating what I hope will be a very tasty bird. I predict a 93% chance that I will have a good time. I am not not not anti-Thanksgiving. I just won't be calling it a holiday, for I, my friends, am all about the painful honesty.
And so, in the spirit of painful honesty, I hope that all of you have a great time on Thursday, and enjoy your ritualistic large meal in the company of family, most likely involving turkey and, if you are lucky, something with cranberries. And hey, if you do have a good time, get your family together in May or April and do it again. Don't wait for a non-existant holiday to tell you to go enjoy a meal with your folks.
And before you guys start jumping in my shit, Christmas is a holiday. Oh yeah, baby. We do not mess with the man in red.
posted by CommonWombat at 2:10 AM
7 Comments:
Well i WAS gonna say Happy Thanksgiving, but I'll say happy gluttony day instead! ;) Yay gluttony day!
All joking aside, have a great Thanksgiving! Holiday, meal, whatever you call it, have a good one!
I agree, it's just a meal.
That's why we're going out for Chinese food tonight!
Have a happy meal!
Ok, ok, fine.....I see your point. It really is just a big meal that we spend days preparing for (yes, days....you should see my mom cook). If we just set the grumbling aside for a quick sec...most places we work for think it's a holiday. Holiday = day (or two) off. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
Cranberries? There's another lie right there. That solid mass of tube-shaped purple jelly that comes wiggling out of a tin can is NOT a berry. Nor is it comprised of berries. It's purple goo, and it tastes like can-shaped shit. What's it supposed to go with? Do you really ever just sit around with a hankering for some cranberry-flavored gel? It looks like something you'd feed an old toothless man because he can't chew anything else.
As long as we're being honest, let's just admit that shit ain't berries.
happy thanksgiving wombat. it may not be a holiday but whatever it is most jobs give you that day off and since a lot of people work than they seem to like it because of that. have a good day and i will talk with you soon.
thanksgiving was ruined by the passing of miyagi-san.
but my meal was damn tasty.
Um, nobody should "do" Santa except Mrs. Claus. Dude's married. Please stop turning him into a sex object, people.
Post a Comment
<< Home