My Fingers Stink.
Life is full of weird, out-of-nowhere revelations.
You may suddenly realize you love someone that you previously considered only a friend. You might suddenly come to the conclusion that you do not, in fact, like tennis. You may realize you are gay. You may realize you orgasm when you shit, or you like to be pissed on, or you just figured out how to cure cancer.
I have just now realized that two of my fingers stink.
The first and second fingers of my left hand smell like garlic and burnt rubber. I point this out because I'm pretty sure they did not smell like this a few hours ago. I can't be 100% sure, because I was having a careless moment and I forgot to make some sort of record of the last time I sniffed the first and second fingers of my left hand. Believe you me, I won't make that mistake twice. From now on, all my finger-sniffs go right into the log.
Here's my problem ( I mean aside from the actual stinky fingers)... If, say, Sal came home one day smelling like she'd just been dragged by hyenas up the long end of a shit-heap, I'd say "Holy jeezus, where the fuck have you been???"
While you can say this sort of thing to your wife, or your cat, you can't really say this to the first and second fingers of your left hand, because, one assumes, they have been attached to the end of your arm the whole time. They don't pop out for some fresh air... They don't run down to the corner store for some milk. Your fingers do not at any point, wander off to get into trouble on their own. If you ask your fingers "Where have you been?" The answer should invariably be "right here on your hand, dipshit. Can't you keep track of your own digits?" (unless you have had your hand amputated. But if that's the case, and you find yourself asking your fingers "Where have you been," chances are you're dealing with a re-animated zombie-hand, come back to seek its revenge on its maker. And that, while harrowing and tricky, is really a subject for a whole other post.)
All of this leads me to the troubling conclusion that at some point in the past few hours, the first and second fingers of my left hand took a little jaunt up the ass of a dead rhinocerous, and I was apparantly there when it happened.
Think Wombat, think... There has to be a logical explaination for the stinky fingers. At any point in the past evening did you shake hands with a rotting zombie?
No, I'm pretty sure I didn't...
Okay, was there any time tonight when you may have been, with or without your consent, finger-fucking an osterich dipped in crankcase oil?
Pretty sure there wasn't....
Hmmmm... Have you in the last three hours, engaged in any of the following activities: Juggling waffles made of toxic sludge, Picking the nose of a gas-bloated boar-corpse, Giving Ernest Borgnine an intestinal scrubbing, punching yourself repeatedly in the ass?
No... no... no... aaaaaaaaand no.
Okay guys, I'm completely stumped here. We may never know the source of the funky kuckles. Although I could call in the local police forensic team to do a detailed analysis of the stench and start running down possible suspects, I think that I shall instead climb into my bed, making sure to hide my left hand well under the pillows so as not to accidentaly kill Sal with the aroma of "Spicy Garlic and Mushroom Skidmark."
I'll keep you all updated on this story as it develops. Because I know you care.
You may suddenly realize you love someone that you previously considered only a friend. You might suddenly come to the conclusion that you do not, in fact, like tennis. You may realize you are gay. You may realize you orgasm when you shit, or you like to be pissed on, or you just figured out how to cure cancer.
I have just now realized that two of my fingers stink.
The first and second fingers of my left hand smell like garlic and burnt rubber. I point this out because I'm pretty sure they did not smell like this a few hours ago. I can't be 100% sure, because I was having a careless moment and I forgot to make some sort of record of the last time I sniffed the first and second fingers of my left hand. Believe you me, I won't make that mistake twice. From now on, all my finger-sniffs go right into the log.
Here's my problem ( I mean aside from the actual stinky fingers)... If, say, Sal came home one day smelling like she'd just been dragged by hyenas up the long end of a shit-heap, I'd say "Holy jeezus, where the fuck have you been???"
While you can say this sort of thing to your wife, or your cat, you can't really say this to the first and second fingers of your left hand, because, one assumes, they have been attached to the end of your arm the whole time. They don't pop out for some fresh air... They don't run down to the corner store for some milk. Your fingers do not at any point, wander off to get into trouble on their own. If you ask your fingers "Where have you been?" The answer should invariably be "right here on your hand, dipshit. Can't you keep track of your own digits?" (unless you have had your hand amputated. But if that's the case, and you find yourself asking your fingers "Where have you been," chances are you're dealing with a re-animated zombie-hand, come back to seek its revenge on its maker. And that, while harrowing and tricky, is really a subject for a whole other post.)
All of this leads me to the troubling conclusion that at some point in the past few hours, the first and second fingers of my left hand took a little jaunt up the ass of a dead rhinocerous, and I was apparantly there when it happened.
Think Wombat, think... There has to be a logical explaination for the stinky fingers. At any point in the past evening did you shake hands with a rotting zombie?
No, I'm pretty sure I didn't...
Okay, was there any time tonight when you may have been, with or without your consent, finger-fucking an osterich dipped in crankcase oil?
Pretty sure there wasn't....
Hmmmm... Have you in the last three hours, engaged in any of the following activities: Juggling waffles made of toxic sludge, Picking the nose of a gas-bloated boar-corpse, Giving Ernest Borgnine an intestinal scrubbing, punching yourself repeatedly in the ass?
No... no... no... aaaaaaaaand no.
Okay guys, I'm completely stumped here. We may never know the source of the funky kuckles. Although I could call in the local police forensic team to do a detailed analysis of the stench and start running down possible suspects, I think that I shall instead climb into my bed, making sure to hide my left hand well under the pillows so as not to accidentaly kill Sal with the aroma of "Spicy Garlic and Mushroom Skidmark."
I'll keep you all updated on this story as it develops. Because I know you care.
posted by CommonWombat at 3:58 AM
37 Comments:
Do you think that we just fell off the turnip truck? Everybody knows that garlic/burnt rubber is the signature smell of freebased Preparation H. Denial is a river in Egypt, my friend.
Maybe you've been haning out with Gary Busey too much. I've heard his entire body smells like garlic and burnt rubber.
You're stumped by the smelly finger thing? I'M stumped at how you managed to spin your smelly finger story into a whole post. With Enest Borgnine in it, no less. Personally, I vote for the punching-yourself-in-the-ass option. Not because I think that's what happened, but because I want to believe I live in a world where people sometimes black out and punch themselves in the ass so spiritedly that it permanently funkifies their fingers. And that the smelly-fingered ass-punchers sometimes go to the malls and create fanciful Christmas displays to thrill and amaze children.
why didn't you just wash your hands?
As your true friend who is always brutally honest with you:
You smell that way all the time. And it's not just your fingers.
;)
Well, I sure care. Ok maybe care is a strong word. Allow me to rephrase, if you will.
Well, I sure want to know.
you've become Mary Catherine Gallagher!
well wombat when you find out drop by my blog and let me know. these are the exact things that keep me up at night.
I don't know about the garlic and burnt rubber; however, if one morning you wake up and your pecker is bright, industrial orange, it's time to step away from the Cheetos.
I hope this helps:)
This is odd, I know, but the reason I found this post...as a non-suscriber...is because I was searching google for "garlic fingers" because the first and second finger on MY left hand smell like garlic and burnt rubber.
No shit. No joke.
I am not in the mood to joke with fingers that may or may not have been in an ostrich's cooch.
Maybe we have something terrible in our diet?
Seriously, I want to know why we both report this same thing, same hand, same "out-of-nowhere" realization about it.
Help!
Nice blog by the way.
Funny.
My fingers also smell like garlic. I googled for it and found this site. Still don't know why, haven't eaten it in weeks!
God you are funny.........you should be on tv!
I too found this blog after googling "sometimes my fingers smell like garlic". I chopped garlic on Saturday and hadn't noticed a smell all weekend but just now they are smelly. Who knows?
Did you put some dirty cloths on? Or chop garlic?
Okay so google sent me here, Ummm garlic smell in the same fingers the last time i had anything with garlic in it was last wednesday, and for the last three days iv had these "stinky fingers"
Holy crap, the same thing is happening to me right now. I was looking to see if it was a common problem, and I cant tell. Thats how I stumbled on your blog. Its wierd. I thought it was my whole hand, but then I checked out the two fingers and sure enough, they smelled exactly like garlic. This is strange.
Hah. Searching for Combat Wombat is the best thing ever, I've found so many good things this way... Anyhow, this topic really grabbed me, since I do a lot of cooking because I'm a foodservice drone. And because I'm not a Chef (no floppy hat, no Napoleon complex), I do lots of other things as well. And when the byproduct of the first (fingers that smell like garlic and chilli, hair that smells like fryer-grease, burns and cuts ranging in severity, a chronic aversion to washing up) meets the rest of my life (and i DO have one, somewhere) then bad things tend to happen. Interventions, breakups, lots and lots of embarrassment and other fun stuff, really great. Anyhow, I wear overlong sleeves outside of a kitchen to cover the burns, shower lots and volunteer to vacuum. But you don't care about that. So here's what I've learned about ridding your fingers of the smell of despair.
1)Lemon-juice and salt,
mixed up into a paste (I use a mortar and pestle because I am at heart, a caveman who likes to destroy). Rock salt is best. The boss of the chippie I used to work at swore by lime juice, never worked for me. Lemons is where it's at. Rub your hands and fingertips well, don't forget under the nails, then wash your hands thoroughly. And I mean thoroughly. The last thing you want is Barman's Rot from the citrus. That's harder to fix than stinkfingers.
2)Bicarb Soda.
Also known as baking soda, this common household product has more uses than a dead cat tied to a stick.
Ignoring my clumsy metaphor, rubbing your fingertips with bicarb soda will eat odours as well, as long as you don't mind smelling like old people. Wash your hands well afterwards though Bicarb soda also works for cleaning tough stains when combined with vinegar. And you can cook with it too, I guess.
3)Stainless steel.
I saved the best until last. I don't like the feeling of bicarb all up in my cuticles, and lemon juice combined with kitchen-related injuries is just a bad bad thing, so I was so glad when I figured out that rubbing your hands and fingers with a stainless steel cooking implement works just as well if not better as far as removing odours. I haven't yet tried it in cakes. So find a stainless steel spoon, or do like I do and use the flat side of a bread-knife. If you're not comfortable with knives, you can actually BUY stainless steel 'soap.' I know because I googled it, and also because one of our itinerant sous chefs swears by his. Only he won't bring it in, because he knows how I tend to covet shiny things.
Drawback with that is that like all objects with ridiculously specific uses (compare the cost to that of, say, bicarb soda) they cost a lot and are hard to find. I suggest King of Knives, or somesuch other shop. Or, try your local hardware shop. You might get lucky.
So that's all I got. Failing that you're on your own. Seeing as how the Wombat's problem isn't specifically cookery-related, my solutions may be only temporary remedies to an underlying problem (or a series of micro-seizures that involve buttpunches and/or other such unsavoury acts). Maybe you should see someone about that.
Or at least get it on video.
This is weird. I've had the same problem and I've only noticed it in the last several weeks. In addition, it mainly seems to be in the evening after starting to drink. You think it could be the beer cans?? (and this is actually true)
jebus, I too have stumbled on this website because I was laying in bed and my fingers smell like garlic. I don't cook, haven't touched garlic in months.. What gives.. This should be a news story. Someone please post a diagnosis
Holy cow buckets batman, I have the same damn thing. What is going with the left fingers and garlic. I hate garlic! Googled to see if maybe my meds were reacting funny to each other and came here to this hilarious sight. I'm glad someone spoke up about this. The rest of us are gonna put on our bubble gum scented sterile gloves and pretend nothing every happened. But this guy, he has guts. Rock on!
Me too ! My left hand stinks of garlic,even though Ihavent eaten or touched it in months. There is a christian myth that says when the devil left the garden of eden the ground under his left foot smelled of garlic. ????? how strange.
I don't want to alarm anyone, but fingers smelling of garlic is a tell-tale sign of heavy metal poisoning (not the musical kind). I'm not sure but I think it's mercury. I accidentally stumbled upon this site researching symptoms for that condition as I suffer from it, and my fingers inexplicably smell of garlic too. I've been exposed to mercury on several occasions (direct skin contact), and it seems to be the foundations of a host of quite nasty problems I suffer from, including severe insomnia, depression, mood-swings, loss of short-term memory, uncontrollable emotions, muscle cramps/ticks, aching and inflamed joints et c.
Of course, it also might be nothing at all. You guys may just have smelly fingers. Though if you have any of the symptoms I listed, it sure doesn't hurt to seek medical help and ask them to look for that specifically, they normally don't take those tests and if you don't know you're looking for it, they almost never catch it. Just wanted to say that 'cause it fucked up my life completely for a decade until I found out, so might help someone else. Cheers!
Same problem. Same attempt to google.
Was feeling ok til I read the last post.
If you ever smoke dope before going to sleep, do you hold the bowl with your left hand? That may be the cause.
I figured it out!I had the same problem...is it possible that you make coffee in the morning using a French Press? Touching the plunger for the coffee maker leaves your hand smelling like garlic.
I do not make coffee....therefore, it must be the bowl I hold when smoking dope...my left hand does not smell like garlic EXCEPT on the days that follow on nights when I get high (to fall asleep only). The only other thing it could be would be that we all have the same vitamin deficiency (becasue I KNOW I do not get all the daily vitamins I need) or that we all do not drink enough water and the side effect is garlic smelling fingers on our left hands.
I think you may be on to something with the French press…. I make coffee every morning with a French press and my fingers smell like garlic. Not sure how you made the connection though. I will check back if this continues …. Mercury poisoning , BS !
Holy hell. Does everyone's two fingers on their left had smell like garlic? I too googled it. Its a fuckin conspiracy! Maybe we've all been abducted by aliens && the garlic fingers is a way for them to find us or to tell that we've be...gasp...PROBED. I knew my ass hurt. ;)
Yeah google delivered me to this same conclusion. I am hoping this "garlic fingers" conspiracy is proof of the coming Spiritual Evolution promised to arrive in 2012. I find it strangely odd that this is occuring to multiple people in various locations with no apparent cause. Best of wishes garlic brethren!
Yep, I've noticed this repeatedly...index and middle finger on my left hand smell like garlic too. I also use a French press; I kind of suspect this is caffeine or coffee related, primarily because I've eaten nothing particularly active scentwise.
Another possibility: garlic's smell is caused by Allyl methyl sulfide, which is in a familiy called thioethers, which include vitamin B7 (biotin) and other sulfur compounds. Chemically, they're pretty mobile & smelly (google them), so I wouldn't be surprised to see them come out the skin at an extremity with high cellular turnover.
Long story short; we've probably eaten something besides garlic with lots of sulfur in it, and your intestinal bugs are metabolizing it into something into something volatile & less than wondrous smelling, which gets into your bloodstream then escapes elsewhere...AND I think the prevalence of complaints of it being on one's left hand has to do with that being first up in the body's circulatory route. Coffee has both thiols and sulfur, and is still a likely culprit.
Best explanation you're going to get from an undergrad.
OK Same here but not exactly... Actually my right thumb smells like garlic!, google sent me here, however, no dope, french press, garlic or mercury poisoning here so its a big mystery.... What do we do???? What does this mean??? Is it the End of Times????????
Guys Google just sent me here as well. For the last few months my left hand has smelt like strong garlic. Mainly between my thumb and index finger. My right hand is clean smelling. I have soaked my hand in all kinds of different cleaners but nothing can kill the smell. It’s like garlic/spicy gas is constantly being released from between my thumb and index finger. It seems that it is also getting stronger with time. This is getting very creepy, why all the sudden are there so many of us experiencing this same situation? We all know by now there is something to this.
My index finger and middle finger on my left hand also smell like garlic. I googled 'my fingers always smell like garlic' and came across your blog :/
Googled and arrived here. Can't believe there's no solution to this...
I've had garlic finger syndrome for months now as well... so we're somewhere between heavy metal poisoning (need to stop listening to Korn) and too much coffee (never gonna change that). Hmmm, I guess I'd better just learn to live with it.
Apparently, the answer to "my hands smell of ..." is to read this blog. I'm still worried about what my non French press using, pot-free, hopefully never been abducted by aliens self is doing, but it's good to know I'm not alone. Even if mine is both hands.....
Have the same problem, but with nausea
http://ehealthforum.com/health/nau
sea-fingers-smell-like-garlic-csid-mgadeficiency-t446718.html
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