Apparently, I vomit wrong.
(Here comes a lovely post for the week before Christmas! Enjoy!)
One evening I was having dinner with Sally and Paul, and somehow (I have no idea how) the subject of vomiting came up. This was strange because when dining with Sal and Paul, the two topics that usually come up are gay sex and pooping. (But, oddly enough, never gay sex while pooping. Wait. That's a lie. That did come up once, but that's a subject for another post!)
Anyway, the topic du jour was vomiting, and I said something like "The thing that I hate about vomiting is the way the barf gets stuck up in your sinuses and all in your nostrils and you can't get it out." At this point, Sally and Paul looked at me like I had just suggested climbing up Queen Victoria and humping her in the ear.
"What," they both said in unison (and there is nothing creepier than when your wife and your platonic gay practically-your-wife speak in unison), "the fuck are you talking about?"
It seems I am alone in this phenomenon of vomit up in the sinuses. I'm looking to those of you who are heavy drinkers (ACW, Karla, Kendra... Snay... Fool... um... fuck. All of you.) to help me clear this up. Is it indeed abnormal for one to get vomit jammed up in the back of his nose? Because, let me tell you, when I vomit, I do it from just about every hole in my face. Mouth, nose, tear ducts... (I still have chunks of chicken in the corners of my eyes from the last time I barfed...) For me there is no simple rinsing of the mouth post-vomit, because there's still a pint of the putrid shit packed up there behind my eyeballs. And it drips back down my throat for the next hour. It's fucking horrible. I mean it. Am I the only one who gets this?
Because it has just now occurred to me that those of you blog reading lushes who like to drink yourselves blind have always seemed oddly comfortable with the "vomiting" aspect of your obvious rampant alcoholism. Is it because all of you simply mouth-barf? I would love to just mouth-barf. If barfing was a mouth-only activity, I'd do it all the time. I'd barf in the morning, I'd barf in the evening, I'd barf out a song of love and justice all over this land.
But no. When I barf it is a full-skull activity. There are eye sockets and ear canals and sinus cavities to be flooded. There are burning tears and bile-boogers and all manner of horror. This is why I make it my goal to not ever vomit.
Am I wrong about this, oh you problem drinkers who seem to enjoy reading my blog? Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that for you too, vomiting is a horrible auschwitz-esque journey from which you fear you will never return. Tell me that your devil-may-care attitude towards vomiting is not because for you, a barf is like nothing more than a wet hiccup. Tell me that I'm not alone in the world.
And if, I'm not alone, and you all do have horror-show wet-nightmare barfs, then let me ask you this question: What the fuck is wrong with you??? For the love of God, put down that fourteenth beer! Don't you comprehend the forces you are playing with??? Just thinking about it... Well it makes me a little... (burp) queasy. I'd better stop blogging now and lie down.
One evening I was having dinner with Sally and Paul, and somehow (I have no idea how) the subject of vomiting came up. This was strange because when dining with Sal and Paul, the two topics that usually come up are gay sex and pooping. (But, oddly enough, never gay sex while pooping. Wait. That's a lie. That did come up once, but that's a subject for another post!)
Anyway, the topic du jour was vomiting, and I said something like "The thing that I hate about vomiting is the way the barf gets stuck up in your sinuses and all in your nostrils and you can't get it out." At this point, Sally and Paul looked at me like I had just suggested climbing up Queen Victoria and humping her in the ear.
"What," they both said in unison (and there is nothing creepier than when your wife and your platonic gay practically-your-wife speak in unison), "the fuck are you talking about?"
It seems I am alone in this phenomenon of vomit up in the sinuses. I'm looking to those of you who are heavy drinkers (ACW, Karla, Kendra... Snay... Fool... um... fuck. All of you.) to help me clear this up. Is it indeed abnormal for one to get vomit jammed up in the back of his nose? Because, let me tell you, when I vomit, I do it from just about every hole in my face. Mouth, nose, tear ducts... (I still have chunks of chicken in the corners of my eyes from the last time I barfed...) For me there is no simple rinsing of the mouth post-vomit, because there's still a pint of the putrid shit packed up there behind my eyeballs. And it drips back down my throat for the next hour. It's fucking horrible. I mean it. Am I the only one who gets this?
Because it has just now occurred to me that those of you blog reading lushes who like to drink yourselves blind have always seemed oddly comfortable with the "vomiting" aspect of your obvious rampant alcoholism. Is it because all of you simply mouth-barf? I would love to just mouth-barf. If barfing was a mouth-only activity, I'd do it all the time. I'd barf in the morning, I'd barf in the evening, I'd barf out a song of love and justice all over this land.
But no. When I barf it is a full-skull activity. There are eye sockets and ear canals and sinus cavities to be flooded. There are burning tears and bile-boogers and all manner of horror. This is why I make it my goal to not ever vomit.
Am I wrong about this, oh you problem drinkers who seem to enjoy reading my blog? Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that for you too, vomiting is a horrible auschwitz-esque journey from which you fear you will never return. Tell me that your devil-may-care attitude towards vomiting is not because for you, a barf is like nothing more than a wet hiccup. Tell me that I'm not alone in the world.
And if, I'm not alone, and you all do have horror-show wet-nightmare barfs, then let me ask you this question: What the fuck is wrong with you??? For the love of God, put down that fourteenth beer! Don't you comprehend the forces you are playing with??? Just thinking about it... Well it makes me a little... (burp) queasy. I'd better stop blogging now and lie down.
posted by CommonWombat at 10:33 PM
36 Comments:
First of all, this post almost made me barf.
But secondly--since you're not a drinker, why the hell are you puking all the time? Are you bulimic? Do you compete in a lot of hot dog eating contests? Does your own unstoppable shitting gross you out as much as the retelling of it does me? Because if not for booze, I think the number of times I've ralphed in my life would total about 3.
Although even WITH booze, the total number of times I've puked is still probably only about 7. I tend to pass out before I get a chance to hack up an organ.
And no, freakshow, I've NEVER involved my sinuses in vomiting. You, sir, are a fucking mess. I puke, I rinse, I whine, I move on. I predict you've got about 6 more months to live before whatever viral illness is killing you finally succeeds.
Please note that at no time in the post above do I ever say I puke all the time. In fact, I think it's easily been 5 years since I last puked. I'm not talking quantity, I'm talking quality. And the quality of my puking experience is "Bataan Death March."
And hey, you're the one that keeps returning to my disgusting blog over and over again. I think that my vomit and feces is the heroin that you keep injecting into your veins...
Okay that even grossed me out. Sorry.
try holding your breath when you vomit... it worked for me.
Yup, I get skull fucked by the contents of my own stomach when I vomit. It is usually everything you described - puke in the nose, puke behind the eyeballs, puke dripping down my throat, puke smell in my nostrils, puke boogers. It is down right hideous.
Odd thing... I thought that was normal. But judging Sally and Paul's reaction to the news, I guess it is not normal. Well... whatever. You tell Sally that she may do the wet hiccup thing when she vomits but at least I can masterbate with my left hand. Ha!
Ew. I've NEVER had that happen to me. I don't puke very often, either. And when I do it is unpleasant enough, without the bile boogers and puke tears.
Ack. My sympathies.
i get puke all in my nose and stuff.
it sucks.
but oddly, i am flattered that you chose to include me in your list of talented drinkers.
i'm irish AND russian you know. genetically gifted.
Problem drinker? It's not a problem until I puke. Which happens a lot.
Ususally it comes out the mouth, but occaisionally out the nose as well. OUT the nose. Sure, there's some residual fluid, but nothing really impacted.
Unless I ate my chili too fast, because you can be damn sure a kidney bean gets stuck up there every time.
I hurl out of every orifice. Not fun, and I totally agree with the do ANYTHING you can not to barf.
There are some mornings that satan himself could offer a trade; my soul for no barfing and I'd take it, no hesitation.
Back in ye ol' college days when I drank to the puke-stage quite often, I, too, had vomit-out-the-nose issues. Once, after drinking much too much and then eating a bowl of spaghettios I barfed with such force that some whole spaghettios were shooting out my nose, along with a whole Tylenol capsule I had just ingested. I haven't eaten spaghettios since.
Yeah, because clearly the spaghettios were the problem there.
-wink!-
My first visit and I land on 'vomit-in-the-nose' day.
Awesome! I'll be back!
i can'tbelieve you bitch about my non-posting and then YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO GET THE HELL OVER THERE!
I never thought I'd see the day when I was sorry you were fresh out of shit stories. I also can't believe no one jumped on the snarf/barf connection. Snarfing is the technical term for what happens when stuff shoots out your nose and somehow you're combining it with barfing, which is just plain gross. Of course air leaves your mouth with considerable force, so I'd imagine that you barf harder than most other people do. So, what fluid squirting out of what orafice is next on the agenda? And how will I somehow be worked into the story? That oughta be good...
KENDRA: Stop yelling at me! I totally left a comment on your blog!!! Aaaaaaah!
PAUL: Duuuude. You'd better watch it, or my next story will be about YOU. You and I both know I could tell some doozies. Heh heh heh.
I'm Vomit Queen and seeing as to how I'm more experienced with blowing chunks than with... well, anything else... let me say that you've got to relax and let it flow. Are you trying to stop the puke? Trying to hold it back? You gotta just let it out, better out than in. Trying to restrain yourself from spewing when your body needs to purge can cause it to come out other orifices, seeing as to how these are all connected in our heads.
So take a deep breath when you know it's coming, and open wide. Just let it out!
(For the record, while I am Vomit Queen - proudly - I've never once induced vomitting... it's all natural. Well sometimes it's alcohol... but for the most part it's aaaalll natural.)
Ok, I'm with you on this one....I've had so much puke trying to flee my body that it has escaped easily through my nose. It is one of the most unpleasant sensations that I have ever experienced. So unpleasant, in fact, that as I lean over the toilet to spew whatever it is that I have most recently consumed, that I pray to every religious figure imaginable that it will not come out of my nose.
It has occurred on many occassions, most of them after I have had WAY too much alcohol and decided it sounded like fun to get in the hot tub. Alcohol + hot tub = Shea puking.
I have to say though, I've never had so much try to come out my nose that it PLUGGED my nose....I think you get the prize for that one!
I'm not much of a blogger (bloggist?) whatever, but DAMN what are you doing to your body to have a site that caters to the personal stories of your innards and what is expelled from them? and yes, i do wonder why i read like some perverted voyeur. one day when you or some other bored reader has time, you should tally up how many posts are devoted to such things. don't get me wrong, your descriptive stories on these subjects are the highlight of my day so i guess keep on keeping on to WHATEVER it is you do to your body!
okay, in no particular order:
-I read this while eating Combos and drinking juice. Happily.
-I am actually vomit-phobic, both in myself and others. I cannot hear, see, or smell someone else vomit.
-19 comments on a post about puking?
-Oy VEY.
-That Sal is one lucky gal.
Hmmm, normally I'm a thru the mouth puker; however, I did get two cases of of seasickness and airsickness so intense that it shot out my nose as I couldn't get my mouth open fast enough.
If this is a problem for ya, I strongly suggest you go to a health food store and buy yourself a neti pot... hell you can buy them at Amazon (why not? You can buy a 35 quart turkey fryer, a case of Fleet enemas and a set of ben wah balls there, too, So I've heard...
Neti pot:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00027Z41G/sr=1-1/qid=1135903050/ref=sr_1_1/103-6885793-3798269?%5Fencoding=UTF8&n=3760931&s=hpc&v=glance
That is the pot I have. It works and takes some getting used to. And don't get duped into buying the "special salt." All you need is non-iodized salt; I use sea salt.
I hope this helps.
Yeah, that happens to me. The last time I puked I had eaten a pear really quickly not really chewing it, and when I puked all the pear bits got stuck in my nose; I tried to get them out, and I finally did; all the slimy pear bits fell into my throat again and I had to swallow them; the most disgusting feeling of my life...
I think a lot of the people don't understand what you're saying. I do this too - and it's not just vomit out of the mouth and nose like some are 'associating' with, it's literally in your sinuses. I ran across this because I threw up this morning - I've puked all of about 8-9 times my entire life, and I vividly recall every single one. I swear, while it's happening I absolutely wish someone would kill me. It's horrible - my current g/f was like wtf. I can 'tell' I'm going to vomit about 15 minutes prior, and I swear I pray to every god in existence (and I'm not religious..) to not let it happen. I've tried holding my nose shut/breathing different.. it really doesn't matter.
The worst part is hours and hours of blowing puke out of your sinuses/nose. It's been 7 hours and I still have stuff I'm blowing out. Puke lodged in your head for 6-7 hours is nasty stuff.. BUT if you don't get it out you get a sinus infection.
I have had some success "cleaning" my sinuses with a sinus irrigation thing. You can buy them at a pharmacy, it looks like a gatorade bottle you squeeze, and solution goes into one nostril and out the other.
I think I'm missing some part inside my head that keeps puke out, and it absolutely sucks. I feel for you.
This here is wonderful, I was told to search on the internet, (BY MY BOYFRIEND) how to vomit properly. I seriously thought i was the only one in the world this happens too. I also, don't mind the act of vommitting, but i think my sydrome is a little freakier, i seriously hallucinate JUMP up and down, gasping for a breath of air, because when I vomit, it feels like it comes with such a tramendous force that all my "holes" get clogged with vomit. LITERALLY & PHYSICALLY, cannot breath.
So what are we doing wrong??? I've made myself vomit before while being really sick off alcohol, and i do not seem to have the same problem. Its almost like its the holding back of the act, or the position of your head or something that causes it. I wish someone would teach me the proper way.
Anyways, thanks much for the post.
I don't usually blog but I was having this issue and found it while trying to figure out what was wrong with me.... I have issues swallowing and sometime throw-up if the food gets stuck... which was caused from acid reflux.
If anyone knows of a solution or treatment I would love to hear it.
Well, my search started with a simple desire to find out why I have so much trouble breathing immediately after expulsion.
I to can join the ranks of those who experience a full head explosion whilst performing. Though for me, it doesn't stop there. It seems to be an all in full body participation. It starts with the lunar escape module heading up the chimney, a mad dash for the bowl and a full torso convulsion as I begin to make a mess of the porcelain from multiple escape points. My eyes water, my nose and throat start burning and my air pipe closes up. I struggle for the next eternity to gasp for air whilst fighting the next escape module. Once I have regained my breathing ability I am faced with dripping nostrils, a mouth full of camel shit residue and a desire to return to my warm bed and not go through that again. This time (only 5 hours ago), I experienced a preempt by my body in the form of Niagra Saliva Falls after my second bout but managed to keep that one in *PHEW*.
I am quite a heavy but non frequent drinker and rarely barf and NEVER get hangovers! Seems I am not alone in the head-plosion group, but must it be this painful to surrender last night's takings?
I also thought I was alone in the world regarding this issue. There's nothing more disgusting than blowing last night's dinner out of your nose for several hours (apparently I don't chew my food very well). Not only do I experience this nearly every time I vomit, but I'm left with a burning sensation in the back of my head and neck which makes me want to kill myself. I'm convinced that some of the vomit has even escaped into my brain.
While it seems quite odd, I am rather excited to realize that I am not the only person that vomits out of one's nostrils. Incidentally, I do not realize I am going to vomit most of the time- often I think I am going to cough or there is something stuck in my throat... Nope, It is just good ol' vomit.
Well, this makes me realize that I am not the only one...
You're not the only one, that's for sure. I had once over-ate and had my stomach hard as a rock from being such a pig. Then a coughing spasm, and the next thing I knew, I was vomiting in the bathroom so hard that it was splurting out my nose too. I had spent the next fifteen minutes blowing hamburger chunks out of my nose.
Life sucks, don't it?
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hahahahahhaha.. I TOTALY understand what you are talking about. I SUFFER FROM THIS FACE FUCKING CRUELTY ASWELL. I hung out with my girls last night, (indulging in a mixture of Bud Light and Patron) then came home to have a 10 minute "conversation" with my toilet... :o( it came up so hard that my sinuses completely closed. i could not breath through my nose at all, and couldn't tast or smell anything. even today, i can barley smell or taste.... I took a Benadryl to help.
Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!
Every single time I vomit, it comes out the nose at the same time as the mouth. Always has. Sucks. I wonder what the statistics are??? I'm probably the minority.
I always thought vomiting through your nose was normal too until I had the same reaction when I commented on it to some of my family. Apparently I am a disgusting freak of nature (their words). I had the unfortunate experience of puking up tuna through my nose the other day and I don't think I'll ever be able to even look at tuna again. Blowing tuna chunks out of your nose is not something anyone should have to suffer through.
i'm so relieved i'm not they only freakshow vomit-er out there. but by far the worst food to eat before getting sick is rice--because you really don't chew it and so its basically whole in your nose, trying to escape your digestive system. so disgusting.
Congratulations, you are on the first page of Google for "vomit in sinuses"! I occasionally get the face-fucked experience when I vomit, but this morning I managed to bring up a delightful, entirely liquid, lime-green acid concoction and now I have burning hate stuck in my sinuses. My face hurts. My eyes hurt. I've gone through half of a box of tissues already. So, well done, sir, in your documentation. Vomit on!
Oi, the comments on this thing. I googled "how to get that post-vomit feeling out of your throat", and this popped up on the first page. After reading through all the comments, I still have chunks sitting at the back of my throat, but at least I know: the way I vomit is not normal, I am apparently vomiting wrong, and I am not alone. I too, am a whole body vomitter, from the burning eyes, chunks stuck in my nose and throat, to the full body convulsions . . . yup, I hate throwing up.
Almost a decade later this post is page one for vomit in sinuses. I didn't used to be a full body puker, but the last year I certainly have been. I don't know what changed or what I'm doing wrong. But it's terrible and moderately horrifying. Feels like I'm going to end up choking or suffocating on my own vom. I have bad ibs or something, so I end up puking a lot. It's hell.
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