The Jolly St. Nick Parade Of Horrors has begun!
Well, it's time once again for me to set out across this great nation of ours and ruin the holidays for everyone. Yes, in just a few days you will be standing in your local mall/shopping center/S&M parlor, and you will be horrified to see that they have already hung their stockings with care. Weeks berore Thanksgiving!!! Mere seconds after halloween, and already the Ho-ho-hoing has begun!
And yep, I'm partially to blame. Suck it up, whiners. It's a living.
Anyway, I won't bore you with the details, but the next 3 weeks will find me all over the place, and once again, blogging may be in short supply. But fear not, my friends! You never know what blog-portunities might arise on my travels. I may spring for the maddeningly slow hotel-TV internet, or I may just knock an old woman down and take her laptop. Anything can happen, people... Anything.
In the meantime, they send me out with this crappy little sad blue pager. I'll get a total of like, 3 work emails on it the whole time I'm out there, so I'm going to pass some information on to you. If you promise not to abuse the power, you can email me at 4106401026@airmessage.net.
Why? Cause I like you weirdos (well most of you... some of you creep me out a little. You know who you are!) And any line you feel like dropping me will go a long way towards keeping me sane while I erect giant snow globes and hang huge wreaths. And I promise I'll write back. If only to say "Please come kill me. Ho ho ho."
2 Caveats:
First, I'll be working all night and sleeping in the morning, so no pre-noon emails, please. Feel free to drop me a line in the afternoon or evening. Or if you're up late at night, say hi. I'll be up too. Probably hanging one handed from a boom-lift while my life flashes before my eyes.
Second, Keep any emails fairly short. Like no bigger than one big paragraph or so. The pager chokes on anything above a certian number of characters, and then the pager company tries to charge Santa, Inc, and then I get yelled at. And nothing with an atatchment, obviously. This do-hickey is low-tech.
Can you believe I'm asking you all to do me a favor, and then I'm getting all conditional on you? What kind of dick am I?
Your kind of dick. Admit it.
See you out there!
And yep, I'm partially to blame. Suck it up, whiners. It's a living.
Anyway, I won't bore you with the details, but the next 3 weeks will find me all over the place, and once again, blogging may be in short supply. But fear not, my friends! You never know what blog-portunities might arise on my travels. I may spring for the maddeningly slow hotel-TV internet, or I may just knock an old woman down and take her laptop. Anything can happen, people... Anything.
In the meantime, they send me out with this crappy little sad blue pager. I'll get a total of like, 3 work emails on it the whole time I'm out there, so I'm going to pass some information on to you. If you promise not to abuse the power, you can email me at 4106401026@airmessage.net.
Why? Cause I like you weirdos (well most of you... some of you creep me out a little. You know who you are!) And any line you feel like dropping me will go a long way towards keeping me sane while I erect giant snow globes and hang huge wreaths. And I promise I'll write back. If only to say "Please come kill me. Ho ho ho."
2 Caveats:
First, I'll be working all night and sleeping in the morning, so no pre-noon emails, please. Feel free to drop me a line in the afternoon or evening. Or if you're up late at night, say hi. I'll be up too. Probably hanging one handed from a boom-lift while my life flashes before my eyes.
Second, Keep any emails fairly short. Like no bigger than one big paragraph or so. The pager chokes on anything above a certian number of characters, and then the pager company tries to charge Santa, Inc, and then I get yelled at. And nothing with an atatchment, obviously. This do-hickey is low-tech.
Can you believe I'm asking you all to do me a favor, and then I'm getting all conditional on you? What kind of dick am I?
Your kind of dick. Admit it.
See you out there!
posted by CommonWombat at 1:23 AM
7 Comments:
Is that pager email address the one I should use to sign you up for penile implant spam and viagra spam?
Yes? I'll take that as a yes.
I've got to figure out how to make ASCII porn.
i'll start sending the instructions for the bomb assembly asap, just so we know they'll get through.
and also the step-by-step for embalming. you know, for that other thing.
I only ask people for favors and put conditions on them. What, are you suppose to that differently?
Do pink lace and gold lame' go together? I'm so useless during the holidays.
I swear I left a comment here the other day... freaking Blogspot!
Now I don't remember what I said, but I know it was funny. That's right. Funny. Very, very funny.
Remember... "Santa" rearranged spells out "Satan."
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