Back from the beach!

I have nothing of interest to say here... YET!!! YET!!! Hang in there! I'm just back from a very nice week in Ocean City, NJ and I just wanted to announce my intention to write something very interesting and witty in this blog SOON.

But not tonight. Instead tonight I present the trailer for the upcoming blog! In widescreen!!!

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This trailer has been rated R by the Pointless Blog Association. It may contain swear words, sexual innuendo and also cause headaches.

(black screen... ominous music)

IN A WORLD...

(music gets... ominous-er. ahem.)

WHERE ANY RANDOM ASSHOLE GETS A PUBLIC FORUM TO AIR THE CRAP THAT SPINS AROUND IN HIS NOGGIN...

(even ominous-er! we are completely enveloped on ominous-ossity! suddenly the screen explodes into a picture of me! no wait! just my eye! no wait! Just my eye-BROW!!!)

ONE MAN...

(the eyebrow TWITCHES!!!)

WRITES A BLOG...

(cut to... my NOSE. Nay! My NOSTRIL!!!)

SO INANE...

(the nostril flares!)

SO POINTLESS...

(we maybe catch a glimpse of a nose hair extending blow the nostril rim! scandalous!)

SO FUCKING DUMB...

(now we see a shot of a completely empty theater... dirty floor, empty seats... crickets chirping)

THAT NOBODY READS IT.

(chirp chirp...)

(a picture of DogButt!)

EXCEPT DOGBUTT.

(sudden jump cuts! monkeys with ray-guns! race cars colliding! wet napkins! the statue of liberty sinking into the ocean and the wailing of children and a river of blood and that creepy song gene wilder sings in charlie and the chocolate factory!!!)

COMING SOON... THE MOST SHOCKING WORDS TO EVER BE WRITTEN WILL BE WRITTEN BY JOHN BAKER WHEN HE WRITES THEM IN WRITING WHICH YOU WILL READ!!!

(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!! that's like, a choir singing really shill and spooky, like in the omen! aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!)

STARRING JOHN VOIGHT AND ABE VIGODA...

(picture of john voight! picture of a shriveled dried prune!)

THE BLOG!!!!

(the words "the blog" appear in 90 foot high letters of flame!)

(and then in really small print:)

DISCLAIMER: JOHN VOIGT AND ABE VIGODA DO NOT APPEAR IN THIS BLOG.

(fade to black...)