Where the fuck have I been for TWO MONTHS???

Don't get all excited, this post will not be the gigantic teetering mountain of funny you're hoping it will be. If you were expecting a triumphant return to form with some great and horrifying story of my latest rectal-mishap, prepare to be dissapointed. I don't have any good ass or poop stories, and even if I did, I don't really have the time to tell them right now. But I've been getting some concerned emails from some of you (which is a nice change to the "please for the love of Christ stop blogging" emails I usually get), so I wanted to explain my absence.

You see, a little over a month ago, I was thinking of some ways I could improve the blog, and I began the Common Wombat Commitment to Quality. I solemnly vowed (because I've found that laughingly vowing things just doesn't carry the same weight) that I would only blog the finest, funniest, abso-fucking-lutely best quality stories I could possibly write. And if I couldn't muster up some quality blogging, I would write nothing at all.

Well, we all see where that got me. So fuck the Common Wombat Commitment to Quality. What a crap idea that was.

I now hereby present to you the Common Wombat Commitment to Talentless and Unfunny Blogging.

Phew! What a weight off my shoulders!

Seriously though, I have been (and continue to be) very busy. But fear not, Blog-buddies. I haven't forgotten you. I'll be back very very soon to make you regret ever buying a computer and logging on to the interweb. Just you wait.

In the meantime, you can amuse yourselves by reading this little story, which I posted before I started picking up readers, and many of you may have missed. It's a heartwarming tale of love, honor, and me shitting my pants in a public building.

I'll be back! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll retch a little!